Writings of a counsellor

Thank you for coming back to read part 2 of my WandaVision and Grief blog post! From the first two episodes of the show, we can clearly see Wanda struggling to adapt to the drastic changes in her life with the loss of Vision, the man she loves. You can see she is in a stage of Denial, struggling to even accept the reality that he is no longer her, the life they could have had will never happen, and no matter how powerful she is, she is ultimately powerless to change the real world outside of her internal (made external) reality she inhabits. You can see the ‘What could have been?’ continue to play out throughout the third episode, especially with the emergence of her pregnancy. Even the accelerated rate of the pregnancy itself, with her going from finding out she’s pregnant to giving birth within the space of a single episode, could be due to the panic she may feel with the beginning of the real world starting to creep in. The grieving process is not something that can be hurried or rushed through. Rather it’s something that is different for everyone. Naturally when the loss involves a significant relationship like the loss of a partner, especially when its unexpected, the grief is accompanied by the ‘What if’ questions which make the denial stage more desirable and harder to manoeuvre through. It’s not until we see the third episode that we begin to see Wanda making her way towards the next stage of the process, Anger. With Anger there isn’t really a baseline to who or what the bereaved person finds themselves angry with or at. Whether it be the situation itself, the person or thing (if any) that was involved with the loss, or even, as seen in Wanda’s case those around who try to offer help and support that she isn’t ready to accept. For Wanda, we can see why her alternate reality is desirable, after every heartbreak and loss within her lifetime as it was, this is the only and first opportunity for her to live the peaceful life with the man she loves. It can be something that we see with those who are left behind, how difficult it can be to reach the point where they can see what is truly happening, especially if the real world contains only sadness and despair. The fourth episode shifts the focus from Wanda to the reality around the world she has created, so we don’t see an awful lot apart from what we have already viewed in the first three episodes. But what we do see is the people who want to help her, whose motives differ from the majority and see Wanda for who she truly is, which is a woman who is grieving. It’s through the anger that is clearly building, anger with Geraldine (or Monica) who was simply trying to reach out to support Wanda, and offer understanding that the cracks really start to appear for Wanda and the life she has created. If she lets Geraldine into this reality then she has to acknowledge that it’s not the true world outside of West View. And through acknowledging that West View is not a true reflection of the reality she would have to face the reality that Vision is gone. You can feel the panic as she sees Vision for what he is at that time, but you can also see the effort and energy she puts in to ignoring this and continuing with her pretence. I think this is due to fear, fear that when she lets this go she will have nothing left, her actions are in anger but also this fear of letting it all go. This highlights perfectly why this journey is so individual and cannot be rushed, it also highlights that all we can do for those grieving is to simply try to be with them during this time, as pushing them to do anything different or even seek support can often cause them more distress if they themselves are not ready to acknowledge what is happening in this reality. Part 3 coming soon!

With the emergence of Marvels new form of storytelling, I.E through TV shows we not only get a more in-depth view of these characters we have grown to love but it also allows us to see them in a more vulnerable state. Going into WandaVision you don’t anticipate anything more than a comedic sketch, something you can casually dip into, but in usual Marvel style there is a lot more than meets the eye. We are not just plunged into a witty sitcom showing us the ‘What could have been’ between Wanda and Vision, instead we are delving into the depths of Wanda’s mind and the grief which is consuming her. As a counsellor there is one grief model that really stands out, that is Kubler-Ross’ Grief cycle (Otherwise known as the 5 Stages of Grief). I won’t go into too much detail, but the theory is that when we, as individuals, go through a grieving process we often pass through five distinct stages: Denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining, and Acceptance. In the first episode of the show Wanda and Vision appear in your typical sitcom which would have been common in the 1950’s. Your typical happy, family friendly comedic relief, this time combined with magical elements, mainly because Wanda is a witch and Vision.. well Vision is Vision is the best way to describe him. On the surface they are living the ideal marriage life that was seen in the 50’s, a newly married husband and wife trying to fit into the neighbourhood with the added ‘fiascos’ of hiding who they really are. Every part of their life on the surface can be labelled as perfect, or at least perfect for a normal couple. Little snippets of who they really are fall through the gaps, such as the forgetting what the heart means on the calendar. Vision himself comments that he is incapable of forgetting, so the whole idea of him not knowing goes against who Vision really is, instead he is moulded into the ‘Vision’ that would suit the story. The story Wanda is creating. Emphasised with her powers you can see how deeply she is struggling, at one point Mr Heart begins to choke at the dinner table, again this doesn’t fit into Wanda’s ‘world’ so much that Mrs Heart doesn’t feel concern rather maintains her friendly smiling and asking him to stop in a joking way. In reality you would expect someone to jump to his aid, even Vision despite needing to hide who he is. But he doesn’t instead they all sit there and almost ignore what is happening until Wanda gives the go ahead to help him. Denial is what protects us as humans, when we lose someone, especially unexpectedly and someone we never considered losing, it’s almost like a trauma, in fact it could be considered one. Our minds almost can’t handle the pain that we know is there so our response is to reject that idea, reject the loss itself. Even if it isn’t good for us. The reality is that if possible many people who do what Wanda did, create a life where that person is still there, but everything is perfect, how it should have been, what it could have been. These are all realities which can play on loop in our minds after the loss, and in time we may even be comforted with them. So much that we don’t want to let them go. The stage of Denial is something that continues to be present throughout the show, it isn’t an easy or a quick stage to move through. It is different for each individual, but I personally believe it is necessary to go through. Which is how it is portrayed in the show. As we move to the next episode, we are thrown more into Wanda’s fantasies of what could have been. Moving to a small town where they are unknown, living as an ‘ordinary’ couple, but rather than in a present time they are still very much based in the past. Is it because we often romanticise the past? Shroud it in happiness and how ‘easy it was back then’, how the media we presented with, especially sitcoms show it in such a rose-coloured tint that we can’t help but wish we lived in a time that the biggest issue we faced was trying to fit in with the popular people rather than trauma going on in the real world. Even with the laughing track playing throughout the episodes you get the impression that ‘ALL IS WELL’ and even if something were to go wrong or appear to go against this belief, it can be twisted into something comedic that is easily laughed at and fixed. Because in our dream realities that is the case. We have very brief intervals which try to fight through this fantasy, intervals from the very real world outside of Wanda’s creation, at first, she seems confused almost frightened but near the end you can see her flat out rejecting these unwanted sights to re-create what it ‘should’ be like. As this turned out to be a lot longer than anticipated I will continue this blog post on WandaVision and grief in another post!